Dont live in other's eyes 4
问：老师，一个人总是很在意他人的看法如何是好，明知不必在乎，可是遇事依旧很在意他人眼中的自己，Master, what can I do if I always care too much about others’ opinion? I know there is no need to worry but I’m still concerned with what others think of me.而且总是担心别人对自己有误解，害怕自己的做法伤害他人，回复消息时都要小心翼翼，再三斟酌，这样好心累啊，请老师开导。And I’m always afraid ofbeing misunderstood and fear that what I do may hurt others. So I have to becautious and deliberate before responding to a message. I feel my heart sotired. Could you please give me some advice? 答：如果一个人想要痛苦的过一辈子，那么心向外求是个不错的选择。其实，在意他人的眼光，出发点是为了保护自己，但“向外求肯定”的心态却让这个良好的愿望变成了相反的结果，自己越来越脆弱、胆小、自卑。“众生欲除苦，奈何苦更增”，原因就是不认识真正的苦乐根源。佛法中说，痛苦来自于我执、烦恼、恶业，快乐来自于无我、智慧、善业。If you want to suffer a lifetime, seeking outward is a good choice.In fact, the starting point of caring too much about others’ opinion is to protect oneself, but the mindset of “looking outsidefor affirmation” turns the good intention into the opposite result, makingoneself more vulnerable, timid and self-abased, just as a verse goes, “Sentientbeings want to get rid of suffering, but the suffering increases”. This is dueto not realizing the real source of suffering and happiness. According toDharma teachings, suffering comes from self-attachment, afflictions andunwholesome deeds, while happiness originates from non-self, wisdom andwholesome deeds.当我们想通过外在来满足自我时，就会被贪嗔等烦恼包围，终陷于痛苦之中；当我们具足正念，一切回归自身，用心去造善业、利他人时，就会感到轻松与快乐。 When we want to satisfy ourselves from outside, we will besurrounded by afflictions such as greed, hatred, etc. and end up in suffering;when we are full of mindfulness, looking at everything from within, and workinghard to create good karma for the benefit of others, we will have a sense ofease and joy. 问：放下东西容易就是放不下旁人的眼光答：I find it easy to put things down, but I just cannot let go ofothers’ opinion. 觉得“旁人的眼光”太利，太压迫人，其实是自己内心的紧张投射出来的错觉，别人不一定时时刻刻关注着你，都在忙着自己的事、在意自己，正如你总想着“别人会怎么看我”，没有去观察他人一样。If you feel others’ opinion too sharp and aggressive, you areactually fall into an illusion that is projected by your inner tension, sincethey aren’t necessarily watching you all the time, but busy with their ownbusiness, and focusing on themselves, just as you’re always thinking about “what others will think of me”instead of observing them.
