EP01 | Hi, I’m Duckie
Intro 00:00Content 00:21the story of Duckie.Duckie was born in 1999, a Taurus, INFJ from a small town she lovingly calls “Ducktown.” She has always believed being born in 1999 is kind of special — because if she lives to 101,She’ll have lived “simply” across three centuries.Her therapist once told her, “Maybe try recording the things you want to say — and the things you feel.” So she started this podcast, to talk, to ramble, and to share a few stories from her life.Before 18, she basically stayed in Ducktown. She was convinced that nowhere in the world had better street food. It looked like a pretty ordinary childhood — except that she was never really happy.“Why?” you might ask. Because she never really knew what she wanted.Her mom always said she was a “good kid” — never cried much, ate whatever she was given, obedient enough to seem like she was “winning from the starting line.” She walked to and from kindergarten by herself. But too-early independence isn’t always a good thing.Back then, she believed that if she made others happy, she’d be happy too. So when Mom said, “Duckie’s such a good kid,” she tried even harder to be good. When Mom said, “You only got these awards because I helped you,” she tried a hundred times harder to prove herself. When Mom said, “You’ll never get a perfect score on the 800 meter run,” she ran her first perfect score that day.She still didn’t know what she wanted — but she knew what made others proud of her.When it was time for college entrance exams, her parents’ long-built conflicts finally ended in divorce. Dad wanted her to leave Ducktown for college — and she knew why he wanted that — but she was lost. Was that what she wanted?She took the TOEFL seven times and the SAT three times. With a very average score, she ended up in a “decent but ordinary” university in Goosetown.When it came time to choose a major, she was torn again — follow her heart or follow the flock? Her cousin suggested something “safe”: not business, not theater. So she chose computer science and math.Those four undergrad years were the freest of her life. For the first time, she could pick classes she actually liked. She met people who encouraged her, teachers who believed in her. For the first time, “wanting to make herself happy” was finally louder than “wanting to please everyone else.”She thought — maybe she can really do something she likes.Then the world was hit by a storm — the pandemic. She had to go back to Ducktown to finish her last year remotely. The moment she returned, she hid that newfound self away again.Grandma told her to find a partner soon. Dad told her to be independent. Her aunt asked about career plans. So she thought: she has already spent four years studying CompSci, maybe she should just get a master’s in software engineering and work in Goosetown.But Duckie — did you ever ask yourself what you really wanted?Then she took the GRE many times too, and with yet another “average score,” she applied to a few strong programs. Luckily, because of the pandemic, many schools waived GRE requirements. By some miracle, she got into the top CompSci university in Goosetown.And she wondered — is good luck just what happens when she keeps doing what makes others happy?Grad school was rough. She fell into pits, crawled out, and fell again into traps she didn’t see coming. But somehow, luck never left her. With Uncle Duck’s recommendation, she got an internship at Company A, then a full-time offer right after. While many graduates were still job-hunting, she had hers ready — thanks to “luck.”She worked there for two to three years. But to stay in Goosetown, she needed to win the work visa lottery. Three tries, three failures. Next year was the final chance.By then, her anxiety and depression had grown louder than her heartbeat. She kept asking herself, Is this really the life she wants?She knew clearly what she didn’t like, and she knew even more clearly what others did like about her — but living that way was exhausting.She kept everything bottled up until it started to make her sick.Lately, She has been trying to find her way back to herself. She still struggles with pressure and catastrophic thinking — but through it all, she realized her value lies in small animals and adventure.So she decided to change her career path completely — to apply for a Doctor of Veterinary medicine program.It won’t be an easy road, probably harder than anything she has done before. Can Duckie overcome anxiety and depression, and finally walk her own path?Well — stay tuned for the next episode.This is how this podcast was born — to record what she's feeling, what she's thinking, and to chat with you about it all.Welcome to her journey. Let’s ramble together, and maybe keep each other company along the way.That’s it for Episode One — sending virtual confetti! Duckie will pop up again soon, with more stories and thoughts to share.Outro 08:02
