（英语）原谅是给自己的礼物｜回忆录第十二集｜EP.1845
《原谅，是给自己的礼物》“Forgiveness Is a Gift to Yourself”Forgiveness doesn’t change the past, but it frees the future.“原谅不能改变过去，但能让未来自由。”Growing up, this memory was undeniably the most painful chapter of my life, and it deeply shaped the person I am today.在我成长的过程中，这段记忆无疑是最痛苦的，也深深塑造了今日的我。In junior high, I was an outstanding student, almost always ranking first in the entire school. Yet, I didn’t get into my dream school—Kaohsiung Girls’ Senior High. I eventually chose Fengshan High School and passed the exam to enter the gifted English program.国中时，我的成绩优异，几乎总是全校第一。然而，我却未能如愿考上第一志愿——高雄女中。最终，我选择了凤山高中，并通过考试进入英语资优班。Those days were wonderful. Each of my classmates had their own unique personality, and the cheerful atmosphere helped me open up in ways I rarely had before. I finally had more time to study the English I loved, and we had a humorous, open-minded homeroom teacher—Gilian.那段日子是如此美好，班上的同学各具特色，乐观开朗的氛围也让我开始展现自己较少流露的一面。我能花更多时间学习最热爱的英语，还有一位幽默开明的班导师——Gilian。She cared deeply for us. She even invited the whole class to her wedding and organized a trip from Kaohsiung to Taipei to visit universities—an experience that broadened my world.她不仅用心指导我们，还带全班参加她的婚礼，甚至组织我们从高雄到台北的大学参观，开拓视野。In that class, I became inseparable friends with Jenny. She was lively and outgoing—the center of attention—while I was more introverted, yet I tried my best to be close to her, learning confidence through her.在这个班级里，我和佳欣成了无话不谈的好友。她个性活泼开朗，是班上的焦点人物，而我则较为内向，但仍努力靠近她，试着学习她的自信与魅力。Through her, I met Zack, the class president next door. Tall and delicate-looking, he stood out instantly—and he was the boy Jenny had a crush on.也因为她，我认识了隔壁班的班长——宇哲。他高挑清秀，第一眼就能吸引目光，也是佳欣暗恋的对象。As time passed, I came to learn about his life. His mother had passed away when he was young, leaving his father to raise him and his sister alone.随着相处时间增长，我也逐渐了解了宇哲的故事。他的母亲在他小时候便过世了，父亲独自抚养他和妹妹。Despite his hardships, he remained disciplined and hardworking, always ranking near the top. I admired him deeply, and we gradually became friends who shared everything.尽管如此，他仍然自律勤奋，成绩名列前茅，从未让家人担心。我对这样坚强的他充满敬佩，也渐渐与他成了无话不谈的朋友。Coincidentally, our birthdays were only eleven days apart. On his birthday, Jenny and I celebrated with him. For mine, I didn’t expect much, yet he still gave me a gift—a baseball cap, unwrapped, placed on the floor outside my classroom.巧合的是，我们的生日同在同一个月份，仅相差11天。宇哲生日那天，我和佳欣特地为他庆祝。而当我的生日到来时，他给了我一顶没有包装、放在教室门口地上的棒球帽。I didn’t think much of it at the time—boys weren’t always thoughtful. But a few days later, he posted an article on the school’s online forum, calling me “vain,” even claiming that no one in class liked me.当时我不以为意，心想男孩总是不如女孩细心，却没想到，几天后，他竟在学校的电子论坛上发文，指名道姓地说我“爱慕虚荣”，还写道班上的同学都不喜欢我。As my eyes moved across those cold, merciless words, my heartbeat grew heavy. I couldn’t believe that in the eyes of someone I trusted, I had become that kind of person.当我滑动滑鼠，视线落在那些冰冷而残忍的字眼上，心跳逐渐加快。我无法相信，在我所重视的同学眼中，我竟成了这样的人。The hurt and humiliation swallowed me whole.那一刻，委屈与羞辱交织，将我吞没。I spiraled into self-doubt. Every day after school, I would hide in the bathroom and cry under the sound of running water.从那天起，我陷入深深的自我怀疑，每天郁郁寡欢。回家后，我的固定行程变成了躲进浴室，在水流的掩护下哭泣。This lasted until one day, our teacher said in class, “If anyone feels uncomfortable here, you may apply to transfer.”这样的日子持续了许久，直到某天，Lilian老师在课堂上说：“如果有同学觉得不适应，可以申请转班。”It was like seeing an escape route from my pain.那一刻，我仿佛看见了逃离痛苦的出口。I immediately called my father. I expected him to question me or persuade me to stay, but he simply said, “As long as you’re happy.”下课后，我立刻拨电话给爸爸，本以为他会细问原因或劝我留下，然而他只是平静地说：“只要妳开心就好。”The next day, I submitted the transfer form, closing that chapter of darkness.隔天，我便递交了转班申请，正式为这段阴影画上句点。This was not the first time I had experienced social hurt growing up. I was ignored by friends in elementary school, again in junior high—psychological wounds I didn’t recognize as “bullying” until later.这次的事件并非我在求学阶段首次遭遇的人际挑战。小学和国中，我都曾被要好的同学突然当成空气，这些心理创伤直到多年后才被我意识到其实也是一种“霸凌”。From these experiences, I learned one thing: “The best revenge is becoming a better version of yourself.”那时的我感到无助，也深深受伤，但我学到了一个重要的道理——“最好的复仇方式，就是活出更好的自己。”So when this happened again, I chose growth. I devoured books on personal development—especially Dale Carnegie’sHow to Win Friends and Influence People.因此，当这次的事情发生时，我选择成长。我开始阅读大量心理成长类书籍，其中卡内基的《如何赢得友谊与影响他人》对我影响最深。
