Love is All You Need 你需要的，唯爱，无它 by 笑雨 Xiaoyu

原文链接 https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/wUrBMfhb2Er48J8EU8BE7Q

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去年十月，我去杭州参加IDF纪录片节，那天晚上刚听完讲座，一个人在上城区晃晃悠悠无目的的散步，路过一个商场时被一位阿姨叫住，还没反应过来她就往我怀里塞了三朵玫瑰花。我正准备说我不买花，但她先我一步说：“姑娘，我今天在这里站了一整天了，没有卖出去一朵花。这三朵花我送给你，你收下吧。”

Last October, I went to Hangzhou to attend a documentary festival called IDF. After checking out a lecture at the festival, I went strolling in the city, with no purposeful destination on my mind. Walking past a mall, I was stopped by an auntie. Before I realized what was happening, three roses were forced into my arms already. The second I was about to turn them down, the auntie said, "Young girl, I've been standing for an entire day and sold not one single flower. These three flowers are a gift for you. Please accept them."

我迟疑了一下，然后向她表示了感谢，带着迟钝的思绪往前走了两步又退了回来，我说我买下这三朵花。她一直摆手说：“不用了，没有关系。”我坚决要付款给她，这会儿她叹了一口气又笑着说：“谢谢你，看来我今天晚上可以去吃一碗面了。”

I was both hesitant and grateful. Still processing what had happened, I came back after a few steps out. I said I wanted to pay for these three flowers. She kept shaking her hands and said, "It's all right. It's fine." But I was very persistent in paying her. She returned my offer with a smile and a sigh, "Thank you then. I can treat myself with a bowl of noodles tonight."

我带着三朵玫瑰花又绕着街道走了一会儿，心里实在放不下她，于是去便利店买了两罐热牛奶。顺着原路往回走，不知道她还在不在那里。我抱着试试看的心态，竟然真的找到她了。她仍然抱着一大束玫瑰花站在商场门口，等待路过的人停下来一分钟带走它们，哪怕一支也好。

With three roses, I walked around this block for a while. Yet my heart was still lingering on her. I went to a convenience store, bought two cans of milk, and then started to return, not knowing if she was still there or not. Luckily, she was still there. She was holding a big bouquet of roses in front of the mall, waiting for passers-by to stop for a minute and buy her flowers. Even if it was just one flower.

我拍了拍她的肩膀：“杭州的秋天晚上还是有点凉，我们一起喝点热牛奶吧。” 我担心她误以为我的行为是施舍，所以我打开了另一罐牛奶，站在她旁边，邀请她同我一起喝。这样的夜里，我们站在街边聊了很久。

I patted her shoulder, "Hangzhou's evening could be a bit nippy at fall. Let's drink some warm milk." Afraid that she might think that I was doing this out of charity, I opened my can of milk, standing by her side and inviting her to join this dairy party. We stood in this nightfall and that was how our long chat began.

她同我说了很多她自己的事情，她不是杭州人，伴侣离世后她再也没有重组家庭，一个人把两个女儿带大，如今一位已经结婚，另一位和我差不多大，目前在台湾读书。她这两年独自一人在杭州，用各种方式赚钱想要还完小女儿因读书所需向亲戚们借的费用，虽然收效甚微，但她还是想要尽最大的力量去支持女儿的选择，尽管她甚至说不清小女儿读的专业名称叫什么。

She told me many of her stories. She was not a local. She didn't start a family after her late husband passed away. She brought up her two daughters on her own: one already got married and the other was around my age and was studying in Taiwan. She lived in Hangzhou by herself for the last two years, trying to save up enough money to pay back what she'd borrowed for her little daughter's tuition fees. In spite of the slow progress, she still wanted to give it her best shot to support her daughter's choice of life. Even though she didn't even know the exact name of the major her daughter had chosen.

聊到后来，她的眼泪开始在眼眶里打转，她说她心疼孩子们，心疼大女儿执意这么早放弃学业然后结婚，心疼她们不是在她的陪伴下长大，她总是一人在外，所以她们以前常常怪她不像别人的母亲那样，怪她没有给她们足够的陪伴和爱。现在她们长大了，她却离她们更远了。

After a while, her eyes got welled up. She loved her kids with an endearing heart. She felt sorry that her first daughter gave up on her study to get married. She felt sorry that she wasn't there for them most of the time since she was always alone out there. They always blamed her for not being able to love them like the other mothers. Now that they'd grown up, they'd drifted farther.

记不清我们聊了有多久，伴着杭州秋天街道上的桂花味和嘴里的牛奶味，我有一种冷暖交织的奇妙感受。我对自己的无力感到愧疚，不论是行为还是言语上。但同时，我也感到震惊和恍惚，我知道这个世界上有很多人活得很用力且辛苦，但大多时候我都是在电影或纪录片里看到。当我面对一个真实且具体的人时，心里生出的复杂感受竟是观看影片后的几倍之多。

My memory failed to recollect how long we'd talked. With the osmanthus fragrance floating in the fall streets of Hangzhou and the creamy aftertaste in my mouth, I was overwhelmed by an interwoven feeling of coldness and warmth. I felt powerless about my incompetence, both behavior-wise and word-wise. Yet, at the same time, I felt shocked in a trance. I knew many walks of life were living a laborious life, yet I learned about most of them in movies or documentaries. And when I faced an authentic and concrete human being, the complexity of my feelings incurred by that person tripled or quadruple those by a movie.

临走前，她对我说：“姑娘，如果我们有缘以后在哪里见到，下次让阿姨请你喝一杯什么吧，让我把你当女儿一样对待，我们一起坐在那里待一会儿。虽然我没什么钱，不能请你吃啥好的，但我想你一定不会介意，对吧。”

Upon bidding farewell, she uttered, "Young girl, if destiny brings us back together somewhere, allow me to treat you a drink or something. I'll treat you like my own girl. We'd sit somewhere and spend some time together. I am no wealthy. So can't get you anything fancy. But I don't think you'd mind that, do you?"

这美妙的经历让我想起一句话，但不记得是谁说的了。“Let everything happen to you, beauty and terror. Just keep going, no feeling is final. 让所有的事情都发生吧，无论是美丽的，还是恐怖的。一直去感受吧，感受并无终点。”：）

Such a beautiful experience reminded me of a sentence. But I can't remember who said it. "Let everything happen to you, beauty and terror. Just keep going, no feeling is final." :)

005 睡前中文 | 你需要的 唯爱 无它 by 笑雨 #中国 #杭州

005 睡前中文 | 你需要的唯爱无它 by 笑雨 #中国 #杭州